|Choose or die.|
Some Democrat congressional staffers are threatening to boycott the House cafeteria and Democrat congressmembers are in full mental meltdown after Republicans have instructed managers to resume the use of traditional disposable cups and plastic utensils over the fragile, flimsy, "green" spoons, knives and forks ordered under former Speaker Nancy Pelosi.
The changes come after most House staffers, Republicans and Democrats, demanded the change. The "green" utensils routinely shattered in staffers' hands and even melted in soup, leading staffers to begin bringing utensils from home.
Switching back to affordable, reliable utensils will also save taxpayers half a million dollars, as "green" works and spoons are also considerably more expensive.
As they tend to do with most everything, environmentalists have come completely mentally unhinged and begun estimating the body count.
"Democrats see the cafeteria changes as symbolic of Republican hostility toward the environment," the San Francisco Chronicle reports of the decision to use utensils that can't even cut meatloaf.
"This seems like a small thing, but it sends a terrible message," wailed Rep. Chellie Pingree, D-Maine.
"I can hardly wait for the lead paint," Rep. Earl Blumenauer, D-Ore., plaintively whined through Twitter.
The move is actually good for the environment, as well. Pelosi's attempt to collect and recycle all the utensils increased total energy use, and the constant breakage and melting led to staffers using even more disposable utensils.
I'm not sure which environmentalist belief is crazier.
Thinking that using sturdier, more reliable spoons that don't shatter in your eye is "Republican hostility toward the environment" or believing that using the wrong spoon will literally destroy the planet.
Every time you Tweet or share this by clicking below, another forest has to be clear-cut and bulldozed so wind turbines can be erected.